I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
