That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
