I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
