sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
