Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
