who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
