i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
