found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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