You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
