Please don't use social media to get back at me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
