plz talk dirty to me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
