So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
