Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
