I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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