Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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