I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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