I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
