Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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