After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
