Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
