Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
