I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
