my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize