I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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