Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize