He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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