I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
