you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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