rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
