I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
