just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
