Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This toilet bowl is my home.
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