I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
