I hate all girls vehemently.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
