Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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