He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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