Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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