Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
