If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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