so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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