We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
