I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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