Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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