so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
