Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
