Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
