My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
