Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
