This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
