how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
