how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
