I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
