he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My penis needs a shock collar
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
