She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
