Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
