is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
