everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
