Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
