I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it because I queefed?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
