god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
